Blog
Four
It was painful, but what hurt the most
was not the physical pain. the scraping
of my uterus
reminds me of candles
not blown on a birthday cake.
of unknown names and faces
that haunt me.
that time, I wanted it to be taken,
convinced,
university mattered more than life.
the second time, it was dead
before I looked down
to watch my tummy
grow.
the third time
it was a boy. and my dad
was alive to hold him.
the fourth time
it was a girl. at the
ultrasound I cried.
i held my breath
praying i would have
a daughter.
to replace being
a daughter. but that
is eternal too.
pinched with love
and Greek sayings.
So when the nurse asked me how many children do you have? I paused.
I really wanted to say four
but my husband
would not understand
how I think about
the other two
all the fucking time.
Two, I replied, a little breathless. a little jaded.
Comments:
50
Brilliant and powerful.
thank you so much Joseph for always reading my work, I appreciate it so much. Have a great day 🙂
It is easy and a pleasure to read your writing as you have such a ctalent for the medium. Take care.
thank you 🙂
I am Speechless.. I was a little breathless getting to the last line.
really, and I thought it was only me as I wrote it
Nah… it was something else entirely.. dont want to use usual adjectives here… in short the poem just hit me… that’s an awesome thing for a reader. Look forward to more writing from you.
Beautiful
Much appreciation for the comment, thank you for reading and letting me know.
Oh, how I feel this! Beautifully poignant ❤️
wow thanks for connecting
Your welcome! It was truly beautiful❤️
Beautifully honest- thank you for sharing
thanks so much for reading and i’m humbled you thought so
Raw expression. As I’ve come to expect from your writing. This piece is packed with all sorts of emotion. xoxo!
thanks Cate. Yes, it was a bit of a breakdown and crying in public cafes, but it had to come out. xxoxoxo
Wow. I’d wanted to say this was sadly beautiful, but the more thought I give it, the more it seems to be beautifully sad, if you get the distinction. Either way, you got me. Wonderful.
thank you for saying 🙂 appreciate it.
Ok, that made me tear up.
thank you for the feedback 🙂 I know it’s not an easy subject to talk about – and that’s why I never talk about it
Reblogged this on thegirlshewas and commented:
these
words
are
heartbreakingly
beautiful.
thank you my beautiful friend. means so much coming from you. xx
Wow. Very powerful. Emotional. Heartbreaking. Profound.
thank you Mary. Appreciate that.
Yeahhhhh….that’s good…that’s REALLY good…right out of your heart good. Thanks for sharing this Chrissy.
Don´t forget
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Holy crap! That was so powerful. Raw and real. Feelings and regrets that are hard to forget (and shouldn’t forget, right?)
Great piece.
Btw, thanks for visiting and following my little blog.
🙂
And thank you for your kind words and feedback. Glad you connected. thank you as well for visiting. 🙂
Oh honey. I know this. You are so brave and beautiful. I love you even more with each line I take in. Thank you for being a shinning star for me to look up to. ❤️
You are my shining star too. Never forget that. Love back and hugs. Thank you so much. xxxx
Thank you beautiful. My pleasure always ❤️❤️
Oh yes. I would be in the same boat. I didn’t abort, but I miscarried. I often wonder what it would have been like if I had that child too.
I see that most women do too. I’m not the only one.:) thank you Sara. xx
You’re welcome!
Very poignant and heartbreaking. I’m sorry for your loss.
thank you so much Jarrod, you’re so sweet for saying. it was a very long time ago, but time doesn’t heal all wounds.
You are welcome. I am sure it took a lot of strength to assemble this piece being that the topic is so close to your heart.
Be well my friend.
Poignantly, painfully honest, Chrissy…yes, you’ve had four children and this makes me ache for your loss.
grateful for your kind compassionate words xx
It’s amazing how often the world tries to get us to get over something they can’t bear to feel. You have four children even if not all of them are with you. You have to live the truth and those who can’t deal with it or don’t want to don’t have to listen. I’m sorry for your losses. I’m glad that each of them has a mother.
thank you for reading, much appreciation for your compassionate words 🙂
Important words shared well. To say we are at times able to accept is not to say we do not care or forget. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading. x
Heartbreaking.
Thank you so much.
Wow that hit my heart! That’s such a powerful poem, xo.
Thank you! It hurt while writing too 🙁 I appreciate your feedback.
Tear in my eye, but a pat on the back & a hug for you, Chris!