i bear words

you’ll see i’m gonna make it, i said

you’ve been making it for years, he replied

wear my tie and nothing else

and there i was. back to the beginning

of twenty years. it’s easy to

love someone who never stops

loving you. who sees you

every day without makeup

and metaphors. it’s hard to

give your soul to strangers

for a few days and get it

right back. you made

it easy to disappear.

you make it harder to come

back. don’t let the bastards

get you down, i told her.

i can start my own poetry club

without stars and re-tweets

and favorites and blocks

and haters and jealous

bitches that block, that stalk

and track my sales. i can flee

but i’d rather watch you

sleep. wake up to your

i love you’s. confuse all of

them and hate none of them.

whisper secret goodbyes and

good morning sorrows to whoever

gives a fuck. submit my life

in one hundred pages

to print and out of print presses.

wear my bangs and old

jeans tighter and sexier

because age does not matter

to souls. you don’t get that

part of me. the bohemian.

long-skirted girl, jumping over

fences to meet you. you get

that sweet spread your legs

girl. the one that never rests.

it’s complicated to admit

defeat. i bear arms. words.

swords with pills. i gulp.

i fast for you. days. months.

years. it keeps me sane.

insane. but not common.

not boring. so take back your

words. i’ll never read you

again.