Nothing

In death

people don’t disappear

they brighten up and write poems

on the other side of the sky

wait for you to decipher

their lines.

They bury the flowers

you planted and eat your leftover soup

even if living with the dead was hard

their life in your hands

is as comparable

as empty hands and brick walls.

The ticket

I said,

stop the car, I need to vomit.

What’s wrong?

Must be something I ate.

I ate words.

His words

for breakfast

lumch and a québécois supper.

I told the police officer.

I never drive down this fucking street.

I wanted to be thrown in jail

but she let me go. Who knew

that being a bitch really worked?
I can’t sleep well.

I feel like I can’t write anymore

and I fear my secrets have a way

of becoming my only company.
What do you think Simone would do?

Is everyone knocking on his door?

Why should I care?

The line must be long

intense with chatter.

I struggle with letting go

holding on too tight.

I kept chains and locks

for him

but he cut through them

with penstrokes, cockstrokes

brushstrokes, I made up words

with flair and desire.

The full moon is in my heart

beating inside my chest

where he once rested.
There is someone else for him

so many lovelies

all colors, nationalities,

pageant show beauties

all for him.

She has brand new shoes

and purses to match

his ego.

I stumble around bookshelves

wander through poetry sections

take a look

at legends and death

peeking under glass bottles

from the wrong side.
Miss, be careful out there, it’sslippery. 


I thought it would be different this time.

I thought he could love me

for the right reasons

but a million poems

cannot make up

for all the lies.

I will stomp the grapes

write my name on the bottle

and dedicate

a book to him

so he could throw it out

and never know me again.

Drive carefully.




Soul mates in the waiting room

We did not fit in that house

always felt like my neck was too long

for the kitchen

like Meg in that video with Jack.

We did not fit in the bedroom

my sex was too dry

for your heat.

We fit in the car

perfectly.

Back seat sex was us.

We did not fit on the soccer field

watching each others’ kids score.

We fit at that overrated cafe

having sex in the bathroom.

We did not applaud each other

when we broke up.

I smoked the whole pack of cigarettes

in twenty-four hours

went to that underground club

too old to breathe

but young enough to fit in.

I matched his wits

but you sang Angie in my ear

and promised me rose gardens and picket fences.

I stole my gut instincts

when I shoplifted cheap eyeliners

waiting to get caught.

I feel like I will never get caught

when I want to

face my demons

head on

like a car crashing right into my daylight.

We were perfect apart

wanting each other

and remembering only the good sex

the throbbing need to have each other.

We were horrible together

imagining how we should part

and discussing the philosophy

of n o t h i n g

Sartre at our doorway

his shadow we could see

in the night.

In the waiting room

and the disease never left

it comes and goes

and all the thoughts you know about

are far away

from the ones you don’t.

The living room was too small for us

we shared pizza in our underwear

and we were lovers

for a week.

Clocks didn’t exist then

as much as they do now

and parties lasted for days.

When one person keeps on looking

it means they are never satisfied

and waiting rooms

are full of these laws

of attraction

these bullshit theories

that blink and ignite

in lost eras.

Beginning to understand

that soul mates

exist only

in our imagination.

 

Unleash the Soul in me

In the morning you were sleeping in the dark

you know that type of morning dark shade

that is so opposite from night,

and all my reasons to wake you

left me with cold feet on the hardwood floor.

I bought time once

and it left me broke.

Ancient people talk to me about how

we held hands and made choices

in the new land. A black and white shot

of all the dead people sitting on a quilt

up in the Greek village where

I saw the sky for the first time.

If my soul was on a leash

it would be easy to control

but I never worked out my life

like musical notes.

It would be ideal to see how

the last act plays

but the fortune teller told me

I would live long,

sign my name

over and over again

until I was tired of Christina

and change it to Chrissy

or Krissy with a K

or Chris, or Tina or Christine

and all the ways everyone

changes the spelling of my name,

but

it starts with an X

and not many people know the truth

of how I unleash

the soul in me

from time to time to breathe

and take deep sighs

then tie it back up

to write a book

or drink one bottle of Jack

in three hours.

Beware of a writer’s reach

and length of a book or poem

it means that nothing ever ends

and it all starts over

until all the smokes

and all the bottles are emptied out.

 

Sixteen

There was a time in the 80’s when I was sixteen

and Michael was my everything

while I was his nothing. And even years

later every time I’d see him he pretended

i was nothing. from nothing to something.

from something to nothing. i call him an asshole

now. even my daughter knows his name. it’s not

a fucking secret how i loved him. you probably never

get over a love. and when i left or you left or whatever

happened because it’s all a blur, for the second or third

or fourth time and i ran into you on the street and you told

me to stop my car. you always wanted me back

every time I ran you ran faster. you married me

we had kids

i had red roses and an Alfred Sung gown.

Once I met a man, it was brief, maybe twenty minutes

or so, once he told me how my beauty

marked him. another time a man wrote

a book for me, he wanted my blood

as his pen. sucked me dry out of my silence.

created some Greek fucking muse of abuse

and left me with ashes on my cheeks.

It’s true that you never forget a love.

It’s true that you love your wife.

It’s morality to want it all and smoke in the hall.

i’ve lived it. you have no idea how I live.

I’m an artist and he supports my locked up frustrations.

my midnight madness

even if he isn’t one, he loves my crazy.

But you, you get all of me

in a brown package

delivered straight to your heart

and soul.

and you open me up gently.

just be sure

to not mix me up

with your other soul mates

and i will do the same.

my eyes and hair haven’t changed much

everyone says i look the same. IMG_7644

every love

is you.

Closer to loving you

It could have happened sooner,

if you had let me go

but, no

let me not love you, i said.

two joints over the jewels

you intend to buy.

She said

i was ready to trust

my instincts,

only put up those walls, my darling

you’re too giving.

don’t want to see you

in my spirit guide.

don’t trust the animal.

My sweet intelligence

is my curse. Keep my

one eye open.

i can feel the earth’s

sadness: my morning

tears, the ones you feel

from miles away

as you turn the key

to my heart.

depends on the song;

my serendipity mood

the phases of the moon,

the clouds, the sunset time,

my misplaced dyslexic words.

Kiss down

my nervous energy

warm my hands

with yours.

bring

back the romance.

just make the voices

fucking stop

no rhymes in paradise

only peace

to the sound of my heartbeats

turn off notifications

no internet connection

shut the blinds

open my heart

its glowing

bright orange.

free me

and undress

my wounds.

One Thousand

In one thousand eyes

I could search for you

the purple sky

right at that time

when you can’t

take your eyes off

the colors

even photos

cannot capture

the life

of one thousand souls

to reach you

I could take the dark

keep it close

lose myself in its arms

but your thousand songs

comfort me more

I was born one thousand times

and all the while

it was you

I met again

to only meet again

under the thousand stars

that divide

us and connect us

Bold or bittersweet

it has brightened

my universe

into one thousand poems

for you.

 

 

 

March 10: My book release

To my followers and the amazing people I love to read,

Tomorrow is the day my book comes out. Above is the link to amazon and below is my blurb.

Blurb:

It was love at first sight when Maria met Jack on a beach all those years ago. But when Jack suddenly disappears, Maria is thrust closer to Hunter, their long-time friend, taking them on a journey that changes all three of their lives forever.

Maria is a lonely young woman who finds love and acceptance with Jack, a free spirited musician. In Maria, Jack finally has the girl of his dreams by his side. When Jack introduces Maria to his best friend, Hunter, he feels an instant connection to Maria, but he buries his feelings—along with his secret that he’s a vampire—for the love of his friend.

Set in Saint-Tropez, Crush is a vampire tale with a twist. Spanning decades and delving into the past of each character in this thorny love triangle, it is about a woman who must choose between the man she’s in love with and the man who is her soul mate. Adventure, love, romance, and vampires all collide in this unique novel filled with powerful emotion, heartbreak, and the question of undying love.

I never thought this day would come. I have self-published with a co-author a trilogy, and yes, holding your book in your hand is exciting, but this ebook is my own project and thanks to MuseItUp Publishing I can easily say that my dream of publishing my own book has come true.

Thank you dear readers and writers so much for reading and following. Your support means the world to me.

Christina

ten seconds

As you roar
bark, write, taunt
please the masses
years turn into decades
lines across the forehead
funerals become weddings.
In time,
you told me how you fell for me
in ten seconds
how you watched me walk
around the room
watched me dance
entered the dance floor
like a thief.
if I close my eyes
count to ten
I know how long you tried
and I was subtle
putty in your hands
entrapped in that aqua blue
taking off my shoes
ripping off my clothes
writing my number with black eyeliner
I had to have you
mostly because you tried
you came after me
you wanted me
I felt it
and
that desire alone
creates tulips in my spring
hence I wanted you
I fell into your arms
laughingly.
I want to remember this
and nothing else.
And these are the reasons
you have me
where you want me.