First novel Poems poetry

At the curb again

I’m trying
but when those words
invade my head
I don’t care about making
the bed
I’m doing it all
but when I need to explode
the bomb inside
I forget the clothes, miss my ride
try to breathe the air
detox the smoke
but my lungs healed
ready for more than a toke
they need the Pain
to exhale the runaway train
in my fucked up brain.

In front of the church
pounding on the keys
blasting Serena
had to stop
turn on the hazards
shut it out
feel the words
in my gut
deep in the wounds
be the Invisible girl
at the gallery in Paris
I could be the perfect mannequin
displayed at Ogilvy’s
pointing fingers
making me a Hero
while I avoid the cameras
and government
with their bullshit promises.
I did it on my own
I don’t ask for help
a fool for everyone again
with hope in my eyes
and anguish in the deepest parts of my soul
for what I lost
the day I found myself again.

I am stopped at a red light
and I find the source that illuminates me
It’s you all over again
I am still
I promise to be that good girl
lilacs in bloom
in the throes of gloom
of your light track
across my heart.
I’m never mad at you
I want you right here between
my lies.