You said write a poem
about New York moments
we almost had in our arms.
I ignore you
only focus on the times
we had;
the walk hand in hand on Ste-Catherine street
the xmas gifts I gave you
in April—
you forget everything I remember,
that is how memory prevails
I could never be true to you.
I apologize for the past,
present, and dead future.
I apologize for being cruel
for changing when you could not.
You were not who I thought you were,
I wasn’t who you wanted me to be.
Bitterness is not changing
aging is ice skating on my dreams.
I held back
this is why I am not in muddy love.
I gave you corner bits
you wanted me whole.
I apologize for not loving you,
when I said I did.
At the time I felt love.
I am not a global liar.
I was drowning in red
carnations,
the smell suffocating me.
I wanted to melt in your arms
instead I was alone again
amongst five day old flowers
and a fake necklace story.
#januaryfalls18
