For you, The Reader

Not sure about the quota
the stats
for the day
but I cannot switch it off.
My Reader says,
I read you breathlessly
eager to ingest
every word
like hard liquor
burning my insides.
(And here I thought
I was nothing special
full of self-doubt
and betrayal).

Do I excite you? In what way?
To hold me close
to smell my skin
to part my legs
and feel me from within?
I know about the phases.
I read Neruda’s sonnets
the morning, the afternoon, the evening
and I feel his currents
sweep me into his waves
that crash against my body.

I’m truly a romantic fool
yet so alive
with wonder
like a little girl
lost in a shopping mall.

When I see the wicked words
I want to bathe naked in them.
Can you imagine such a scene?
Shredded paper in the floating water.
I am sure you would comply
if I ask such strange requests.
You open up my soul
these words
come out like waterfall
with no self-control
no edits.

I stop washing dishes
forget to eat
all to get this cough of words
stuck in my throat
to you,
whether you read me or not
others need it too.

Now I get stopped in the street
my identity no longer hushed
I love your poems
I read them every day
Please keep them coming

so this one is for you, my Reader
the ones that connect
the dotted lines
into their very own
heartbeat.

The Bridge interlude

The closer I come

the further you feel.

I could not tell you

because you did not want to know

then I did not want the truth
no matter its profound beauty

it is hard to look at your shadow

for so many months

hard to love you

when you put up concrete fences.

On that full moon

I would tell nobody

die with it

live with it

breathe with it

why ask at all?

I wore my high heeled blue shoes.

Someone may know more than you

and so ready to peek inside my soul

while you sleep awake

and wonder about fate.

I am starting to not trust the internet

and it all started in Soho

the information lied

your hopefulness

my mood swings

my answers

your neighborhood.

Little things tell me what you want

and it may not be

so deep inside of me

as I first thought

it could be as far away as oceans are

safe from my loneliness.

Relying on technology and shoes to get me places closer to you

when in essence
it is further away.

Your arrival

Your words set me on fire

wake up and sleep to them

catch a bus with them on my fingertips

hold my hips firmly and kiss with them

all like a downpour of rain on my wet skin

breaking all the barriers from deep within.

It is a rush of sensations in all the right places

a blur of the faces

in front of me now.

It is how you are with me when we are together

and apart

that matters most

even when

at times I feel like a ghost

you can carry on like my host

until you open up my windowsill

and let yourself in

to cross your legs at my show

the way I bend, the way I glow

and you watch so closely I fear

that you will hate me and leave me

so I stand clear.

All my doubts piled up like laundry

all your songs inside my head’s playlist

pounding out anger with my tiny fist

letting out poems at red lights

producing thoughts like blinks

motivating strangers with cute invisible winks.

And the night it comes and goes

your melody, it grows in the Fall

you try so hard and I collapse

spin from exhaustion

dramatize my life,

examine the point of a knife.

It’s all in my head

and the stories come out in my bed

as I stare at the ceiling’s dull color

and mark my state as semi-dead

but then you arrive with a book

to steal my heart again and again

when you see me running and counting to ten.

I don’t even care what the book is

you just bring it to me

and that alone

is what sets me free.

September Poems 2.

It’s not that you don’t include me

I could care less

about that shit

it’s all in my internal fit

my purple party dress

is always on

ready to dance until dawn

and the insomnia means naught

for all we fought

was worth a penny.

You are always funny

a comic in a tragedy

a tragic figure in a romance

all of these parts of you

I can see

of course I can be free

to choose.

All I want are your words

to penetrate deep within me

and they resonate, they do, they see

the invisible girl in me.

I don’t mean to rhyme

I know it’s not a crime

dropping my skirt in a dime

ready for you

spreading

all the unknown parts

stepping on broken hearts

that lead me straight to you.

In the middle of the day on a two

minute break.

I’m floating in a human lake

feeling your presence

in the past tense.

I know I pushed you away

I know it’s all my fault

please never halt

for me.

The Montreal air is so cold

summer to winter in one day

duvet comforters

festivals are over

daybreak disappearing

students arising

and you and me

are writing

what else is there left to do?

Soon I’ll be so naked

you won’t even see my skin.

Or maybe you always have. 

Anniversary

Burgundy velvet interior
Godfather scenes
we held smooth hands
bonded with devoted plans
some underground
visible, and invisible.
We giggled, yes, you held my heart with your devious blue eyes

Coffee cup on Anne
bite marks on my neck
well hidden
dancing to the sounds
no one else could hear
first there was the downpour
then all became clear
judging my love with the weather
looking for signs in a dead feather
then we pressed our fresh faces
in the back of the limousine
for a snapshot
in black and white film.
Red roses, white flowers in my dark hair
Pablo Neruda quotes
hand painted angels with hand written tiny
notes.

The artist in me made you swell
you made that? Hand painted each note? You chose red?

Yet, my love, by the time you said
I love your ways
I blocked my ears
and ran for a while.
The moment came and went
lightning and thunder
entered me
I care too much about timing
reading to you in bed
Tropic of Cancer
and then you loved him too
you said don’t ever stop
and Now I do.

What are you doing? I don’t even reply.
My pen is on fire
burning ashes
on the lines
no one can reach me
in that place where I belong
no one can stop me at Second Cup
and ask me what went wrong.

This day is sealed within us
we flew to London, Greece
and slept where Gods slept
as your Spartan shield
protected me
as it did from the start
when you tiptoed into my broken heart.