Ageless

I know that age matters not

right now, but then it did.

It mattered when we raced against

the wind. I was just a babe in your arms.

You were a man even as a teenager.

You had this way of bringing me love

on a tray, and spoiling me until

I was full on your love. I had it

all, for a brief time. I showed you

my cuts and bruises

and you kissed them. Your lips

on my shoulders within seconds.

My hands unbuckling your belt

in such a frantic youthful way

in an ageless time

between this world and the next.

Let’s remember where we were

and lament the age of us.

It matters that you see past

the girl. We felt invincible

and will never know that freedom

again, that youthful love we held

onto so naurally.

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Sadness in July

I wish I had more to say of how words

destroy my sanity. I wish you knew

me then

when I had nothing to lose.

I hope to see you again

when I can walk straight.

feeling drunk on words and fights

lately, crying all night long

i suppose aging is a phase

and suddenly not caring about

your tongue in my mouth

is an outright cancerous lymph

in my pride. I meant to be wet

for you but kept on thinking about

the mundane things.

You should have fucked me drunk

I am better than the dead.

I hate myself today

and I feel like a bad mom

but she whispers  in ocd sentences

I’m the best.

I read too much

nonsense.

So I listen to silence instead.

I wish you would have known

me then. in another life

when i was such a poetic slut

now i’m too old for your games

your wolf tricks

time eats up my lines

and leaves me volatile

vulnerable

aching for less clocks

and more moments

with the dead.

I’ve done it all

my time has passed

now it is time

to feed my soul.

I run instead

or drive fast

reciting Virgina Woolf in my head

and feeling lonely in my bed.

July should be the best month

but I don’t care about jazz

or laughter

anymore.

 

Less you, More me

From above if you were watching through

a fine telescope

my wise ass remarks

would help you to understand

that it means nothing

to die. One life to create memories,

one breath to forget. Then Alzheimer

kicks  you and sets you on fire

with nonsense. I try to laugh

to cover up my turmoil of

uneasiness at these awkward situations

when the brain ceases to speak,

when the mind is muddled with

words you never thought

would make you cry.

 

Hold on 

to that patience, you will need it.

 

There was a time I lost everything in you.

Now I speak to my soul and repeat

less you, more me.

All this to convince myself that I still matter

somehow, before the memories fade

or the cancer grows

or the breasts disappear.

It’s Hawaiian day at work

and I will wear my hula

tell all the teachers how I appreciate

their soul

hug a child

and try to forget about the telescope.

 

Hold on to your soul,

you will need it.