i took all my books out of the way

i made a path for you to walk into

but you send me cryptic messages

i can’t understand. i’m not that smart

i think in beats, rainbow schemes,

i want to finish writing this poem

before he gets here and breaks my

silence into too many questions

i avoid answering. i removed my

poems for you, made you walk

straight into my heart and pull

it apart with my own weakness.

i never should have trusted you

with that one secret, you haunt

me with it, pass it around my

air like a ball. you’re playing

with my vulnerability. i tell

you to fuck off instead of good

night and in the morning you

wonder why i left for work

so early and we don’t talk again

until the following day

where we start over and forget

the past. it’s what we call

staying married these days.

The hues of light around the anger

Every day is a blur of the one before

and the one before that

and the one happening now.

I am changing the date on my journal

to keep track. For a while there,

I stopped.

I felt darkness around the

days of the week and months.

I feel this abyss will never end.

I don’t know what will save me from

the days. Nothing really. My coffee is warm.

The longer I stare out my window

at my lilac tree, the colder it gets.

You wake up and want my attention

you make me coffee. You know how

I get weak when you speak my

language of love. It’s still a cloud

in my heart. It could be grey one

day, blue another, white, moving

silently and then you crack the mirror.

I’m out of my skin, I’m shedding

a new layer of your anger.

so I have to drag myself out of the earth

and walk on planks.

You want me

to love you and I do. In the way

I should not. I know better by now

but the clouds never leave, they hover

and expect me to be my best self.

I’m writing and spinning out of control

over hatred, you’re making me tired.

Let’s stay naked in bed

create our own clouds

dissipate the anger with our skin.

Even fantasy has holes

we refuse to mend.

My book is out.

My erotic novel has just been released this week. This is the blurb. It is available in ebook and paperback.

 

If you are on Twitter please find me and rt for a signed copy. 5 lucky winners.

 

The Wanting is an intimate account of Serena and Teddy’s sexual awakening. They undeniably have a magnetic pull and connection that leads them to each other. It is an erotic tale of relationships and their internal struggles as told through dialogue with themselves. One night, Serena and Teddy are out at a bar and they both meet and fall for another person. Serena meets Ben, an attractive eBook writer and Teddy meets Melina, a sexually charged school teacher. The story that unfurls, is a roller coaster ride of two erotic journeys. Questions arise…Are two people meant to be together? What is serendipity? Do soulmates exist? The Wanting is a book about the confusion between sex and love. It is a modern romance into the mysterious world of sex and the power it holds over our minds.

Figment

figment

Everything turns blue

if you dissect it

even the color purple.

 

I feel how words exit

like last night’s

whiskey shots

as the burning sensation

warmed my insides

along with your hand upon

my skin. The combination

was deadly

sin.

Just because I listen to my voices

does not mean

you need to.

You go about and leave me

in this shallow water

it’s not cold at all

actually,

my illness has gone

my hands are warm again

my feet touching the ground

but my imagination

it creates blame

for misunderstanding

my own intentions.

Often, you deny it all

and I believe all the

lies. The fact is

I am a consensus

a Canadian statistic

and now I am

growing my own garden

seeds intact

you on top of me

digging deep inside me

for all the answers

to the questions

you can never ask.

March 10: My book release

To my followers and the amazing people I love to read,

Tomorrow is the day my book comes out. Above is the link to amazon and below is my blurb.

Blurb:

It was love at first sight when Maria met Jack on a beach all those years ago. But when Jack suddenly disappears, Maria is thrust closer to Hunter, their long-time friend, taking them on a journey that changes all three of their lives forever.

Maria is a lonely young woman who finds love and acceptance with Jack, a free spirited musician. In Maria, Jack finally has the girl of his dreams by his side. When Jack introduces Maria to his best friend, Hunter, he feels an instant connection to Maria, but he buries his feelings—along with his secret that he’s a vampire—for the love of his friend.

Set in Saint-Tropez, Crush is a vampire tale with a twist. Spanning decades and delving into the past of each character in this thorny love triangle, it is about a woman who must choose between the man she’s in love with and the man who is her soul mate. Adventure, love, romance, and vampires all collide in this unique novel filled with powerful emotion, heartbreak, and the question of undying love.

I never thought this day would come. I have self-published with a co-author a trilogy, and yes, holding your book in your hand is exciting, but this ebook is my own project and thanks to MuseItUp Publishing I can easily say that my dream of publishing my own book has come true.

Thank you dear readers and writers so much for reading and following. Your support means the world to me.

Christina