How are you?

Not so sure how to answer that text

I suppose my usual, okay, would suffice

but he left here mad at me for being me.

I wish I could apologize for not being who he wants me to be

but I’ve been doing that my whole life

so fuck off

feels right.

he wants me to be just so, to fit into his puzzle

but I am that piece that is always lost.

He searches for me at bars, pool halls, cafes,

movie theatres, bookstores, but if he comes

straight home, he’ll find me waiting for him.

I’m drinking tea, not smoking, not drinking,

not living. Born to be a writer.

Writing these stories I’ll never show anyone.

Writing this life I’ll never share with anyone.

Crying over Concordia letters and all the news

I try to avoid all day. This anxiety can eat me

up. This worry can annihilate me. It’s over.

I can never go back to who I was.

I never want to.

He wishes I would do all the things

his mother did

but I’m so bad at being good.

I play treat me like your mother

really loud.

And he says turn that noise off.

 

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. davidguerrieriwrites · March 1, 2017

    I’d say hang in there but that sounds all wrong. Just keep doing what you’re doing.

    Liked by 1 person

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.