Blog

Four

June 6, 2015

It was painful, but what hurt the most

was not the physical pain.  the scraping

of my uterus

reminds me of candles

not blown on a birthday cake.

of unknown names and faces

that haunt me.

that time, I wanted it to be taken,

convinced,

university mattered more than life.

the second time, it was dead

before I looked down

to watch my tummy

grow.

the third time

it was a boy. and my dad

was alive to hold him.

the fourth time

it was a girl. at the

ultrasound I cried.

i held my breath

praying i would have

a daughter.

to replace being

a daughter. but that

is eternal too.

pinched with love

and Greek sayings.

So when the nurse asked me how many children do you have? I paused.

I really wanted to say four

but my husband

would not understand

how I think about

the other two

all the fucking time.

Two, I replied, a little breathless. a little jaded.

Christina Strigas

Comments:

50

  1. Brilliant and powerful.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you so much Joseph for always reading my work, I appreciate it so much. Have a great day 🙂

      1. It is easy and a pleasure to read your writing as you have such a ctalent for the medium. Take care.

        1. Chrissy says:

          thank you 🙂

  2. I am Speechless.. I was a little breathless getting to the last line.

    1. Chrissy says:

      really, and I thought it was only me as I wrote it

      1. Nah… it was something else entirely.. dont want to use usual adjectives here… in short the poem just hit me… that’s an awesome thing for a reader. Look forward to more writing from you.

    1. Chrissy says:

      Much appreciation for the comment, thank you for reading and letting me know.

  3. Annie B says:

    Oh, how I feel this! Beautifully poignant ❤️

    1. Chrissy says:

      wow thanks for connecting

      1. Annie B says:

        Your welcome! It was truly beautiful❤️

  4. deuxiemepeau says:

    Beautifully honest- thank you for sharing

    1. Chrissy says:

      thanks so much for reading and i’m humbled you thought so

  5. Cate Derham says:

    Raw expression. As I’ve come to expect from your writing. This piece is packed with all sorts of emotion. xoxo!

    1. Chrissy says:

      thanks Cate. Yes, it was a bit of a breakdown and crying in public cafes, but it had to come out. xxoxoxo

  6. JunkChuck says:

    Wow. I’d wanted to say this was sadly beautiful, but the more thought I give it, the more it seems to be beautifully sad, if you get the distinction. Either way, you got me. Wonderful.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you for saying 🙂 appreciate it.

  7. Ok, that made me tear up.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you for the feedback 🙂 I know it’s not an easy subject to talk about – and that’s why I never talk about it

  8. Reblogged this on thegirlshewas and commented:
    these
    words
    are
    heartbreakingly
    beautiful.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you my beautiful friend. means so much coming from you. xx

  9. Wow. Very powerful. Emotional. Heartbreaking. Profound.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you Mary. Appreciate that.

  10. Jimmy Lem says:

    Yeahhhhh….that’s good…that’s REALLY good…right out of your heart good. Thanks for sharing this Chrissy.

  11. Don´t forget
    We also have a blog,
    superduque777.wordpress.com/

  12. stacilys says:

    Holy crap! That was so powerful. Raw and real. Feelings and regrets that are hard to forget (and shouldn’t forget, right?)
    Great piece.
    Btw, thanks for visiting and following my little blog.
    🙂

    1. Chrissy says:

      And thank you for your kind words and feedback. Glad you connected. thank you as well for visiting. 🙂

  13. Souldiergirl says:

    Oh honey. I know this. You are so brave and beautiful. I love you even more with each line I take in. Thank you for being a shinning star for me to look up to. ❤️

    1. Chrissy says:

      You are my shining star too. Never forget that. Love back and hugs. Thank you so much. xxxx

      1. Souldiergirl says:

        Thank you beautiful. My pleasure always ❤️❤️

  14. Oh yes. I would be in the same boat. I didn’t abort, but I miscarried. I often wonder what it would have been like if I had that child too.

    1. Chrissy says:

      I see that most women do too. I’m not the only one.:) thank you Sara. xx

  15. Jarrod C says:

    Very poignant and heartbreaking. I’m sorry for your loss.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you so much Jarrod, you’re so sweet for saying. it was a very long time ago, but time doesn’t heal all wounds.

      1. Jarrod C says:

        You are welcome. I am sure it took a lot of strength to assemble this piece being that the topic is so close to your heart.

        Be well my friend.

  16. lynn__ says:

    Poignantly, painfully honest, Chrissy…yes, you’ve had four children and this makes me ache for your loss.

    1. Chrissy says:

      grateful for your kind compassionate words xx

  17. pndrgn99 says:

    It’s amazing how often the world tries to get us to get over something they can’t bear to feel. You have four children even if not all of them are with you. You have to live the truth and those who can’t deal with it or don’t want to don’t have to listen. I’m sorry for your losses. I’m glad that each of them has a mother.

    1. Chrissy says:

      thank you for reading, much appreciation for your compassionate words 🙂

  18. Important words shared well. To say we are at times able to accept is not to say we do not care or forget. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Chrissy says:

      Thank you for reading. x

    1. Chrissy says:

      Thank you so much.

  19. Wow that hit my heart! That’s such a powerful poem, xo.

    1. Chrissy says:

      Thank you! It hurt while writing too 🙁 I appreciate your feedback.

  20. Tear in my eye, but a pat on the back & a hug for you, Chris!

Leave a Reply

Thanks for choosing to leave a comment.